The gap in between
by Shion-Ai Misaki
Summary: Lev Haiba and Morisuke Yaku are a couple for quite some time already, but now that Lev will enter university as well they will have to overcome some tough situations. Lev will leave Japan and study abroad in Europe, he'll be apart from Yaku for a long time. The sole question that remains is, will the two be able to deal with it or not? Is their love strong enough?
1. First Chapter - Departure

The gap in between

First Chapter – Departure

As the sun was shining into my face, I slowly woke up from my slumber. Apparently, I had fallen asleep on the couch again after a night shift of studying. But I had to keep going; I knew the third year of university would be tough. I stopped thinking about that and stood up from the couch, my back was already hurting, and signalizing that it would have preferred to spend the night on a bed rather than a couch.

I strolled to the bathroom and looked into the mirror. My bed hair, or more like couch hair, was as fascinating as always and given the situation that it was my birthday, I decided to take a refreshing shower.

I may be 19 years old already but not that many believe me when I tell them. I can't blame them though, with my short height of 165 centimetres. I learned to live with it, but I wish I could be a bit taller; that would make a lot of things easier. But that won't happen, so no need getting frustrated.

I put on some clothes and decided to go out and buy something to eat for tonight. I didn't really invite my friends to come and celebrate with me, but they kind of invited themselves. And if Kuroo said something, the other former Nekoma guys just went along with it, nothing else expected from our captain.

As I was leaving my apartment my thoughts went back in time.

"Already 2 years have passed since I graduated from Nekoma, huh?" I thought to myself. And then my thoughts switched over to the latest graduation ceremony that was held last spring. Why exactly that graduation? A person that is very dear to me had finished High School by then, but that already was five months ago as well.

I wanted to check my phone to see if I had any new messages, but I noticed I had left it at home. _Well done Morisuke, you're a genius_. Now, I wouldn't be distracted by it at least. And I did take along my purse, so everything would be okay.

I headed to the nearest shopping mall; it wasn't a big one, but I had no motivation of going into the centre of Tokyo. On a Saturday. On my birthday. Definitely no. I intended to take it easy today, as little stress as possible.

When I arrived at the mall, it was already midday. Up until now, I didn't notice that I woke up pretty late, so I spontaneously ate lunch there; I would have enough time to go shopping afterwards, so there was no need to hurry. I felt slightly lost without my phone; it was true what they said, we couldn't live without one nowadays. Also, I was missing the daily "Good Morning" message I always got from that idiot.

After shopping, I headed home directly, it was almost 6pm, and they said they'd be coming at six, so I was hoping they weren't already there, waiting in front of my door.

As soon as I stepped out of the elevator, wanting to rush towards my apartment, I already heard some familiar voices.

"Kuroo-saaaaaan, why isn't Yaku-san opening the door?" I heard Lev asking.

"How should I know?" Kuroo replied.

"Maybe we're too early?" Taketora asked.

"But he said six." I heard Kenma saying quietly.

"What should we do?" Lev seemed desperate.

"I will kick the door and then it'll break, I can do it!" That was Bokuto's voice.

"Really?! Thank you Bokuto-saaaaan!" Lev answered happily.

"Bokuto no." was Akaashi's response.

"But."

"No."

"Maybe he's unconscious and lying on the floor?" Taketora suspected.

"Whaaaaat? Yaku-san, Yaku-saaan, are you there, Yaku-san!" Lev knocked at the door like his life was depending on it.

"Calm down Lev. And anyways, you're his boyfriend, shouldn't you know best what he's doing?" Kuroo stated the obvious.

"Yes, but he didn't reply to any of the 20 messages I sent him." I could hear the fear in Lev's voice. And as much fun as it was to hide behind the corner, I thought it was about time to free Lev from that torture. I stepped around the corner and greeted them.

"Yaku-saaaaaaaaan! There you are!" Lev yelled as he was running towards me and then hugged me.

Idiot.

I quickly hugged him back and then I went to open the door.

"I'm sorry, got caught up and ended up being late." I apologised for my late arrival. But they didn't seem to be bothered by it, they were all smiling at me. As soon as the door was opened Taketora ran into my apartment, screaming:

"Perfect timing! I need to use your bathroom!" he said desperately.

"Second door on the right!" I yelled back at him.

"Kaaaaaay." he said as he vanished into the bathroom.

"Well then, come on in guys."

"Sorry for the intrusion." They all said simultaneously. I headed into the kitchen and put away the stuff I bought. Meanwhile, my guests sat down in the living room; Lev showed them around. Before I could even ask them if they wanted to drink something, Lev had already asked them and joined me in the kitchen.

"Uhm… Lev? Sorry that I didn't answer your texts, I forgot my phone at home. I didn't want to make you worry." I blushed because I suddenly felt embarrassed for having forgotten my phone at home. I hoped he didn't see it. But as he was answering with just a simple "Don't mind." I figured he hadn't seen me blush. Good.

"Oi, Yakuuu, come on here for a minute." that was Kuroo's voice coming from the living room.

"What is it Ku-" I couldn't finish my sentence. Kuroo was holding a big birthday cake, the others standing around him with a big smile, awaiting my reaction to the cake, all full of anticipation, and Bokuto clearly wanting to eat the cake already.

"Happy Birthday Yaku-saaaaaan!" I heard them all saying.

"Happy Birthday Yaku-san!" Lev said after hugging me from behind and putting his head onto mine. I wanted to hold back the tears, but it didn't work.

"Thank you guys, thank you." I said while tears were flowing down my cheeks. I was happy.

"Cake tiiiiime!" Bokuto was the first one to say something.

"Bokuto no." Akaashi was the second one.

"What about the food?" Kenma asked.

"Yeah, I'm hungry too!" Taketora added.

"Okay I'll start cook-" I wanted to say, but Lev was faster.

"No no no no no Yaku-san, today you'll sit down and let me handle the rest, as your boyfriend!" he said it full of pride, putting his fist on his chest.

"Lev, do you intend on poisoning your boyfriend and us?" Akaashi had a point. Lev wasn't exactly the best cook.

"Let me handle it." Akaashi said, stood up and walked into the kitchen.

"Then let me at least help you, please Akaashi-san."

"Okay, if you insist Lev."

"Thank you!" and they both disappeared into the kitchen.

Bokuto was still looking at the cake. And with Akaashi gone, his chances of actually eating a piece increased immensely. Kenma sat back on the couch and started playing a game on his phone. Kuroo asked if he could turn on the TV while we were waiting and I agreed to watch something.

"Bokuto, I know you want to eat a piece of the cake, take one." I said giggling.

"But Akaashi will be mad if I eat it now."

"It's okay, I'll cover you and say I ate it."

"That… is the reason, why you are a very good friend, Mori-san." he said with a single tear in his eye. He really wanted to eat that cake.

And as Bokuto was eating a piece of the cake, and Kenma was playing on his phone, and Kuroo and Taketora were watching TV, I sat down on the couch as well and started reminiscing about my time with the Nekoma High Volleyball Club. I always loved playing volleyball, so I was quite happy when I joined the Nekoma High team. Because of my short height, Kuroo wanted me as a Libero and I tried and ended up loving it. I had met all my friends through volleyball and then in my third year of High School, I had met the person that would become a very important part of my life: Lev. I would have never thought that we'd become a couple, but it somehow just happened. It was on the day of our graduation ceremony and Lev suddenly confessed to me and I accepted it; I felt happy.

And now I'm in my third year of university and joined the Shishio Volleyball Club. Luckily enough, I could keep on playing as the Libero. I was looking forward to play volleyball with and against my former teammates as they all had entered a university, but there was someone I wouldn't be able to play with. One of my former teammates decided to enter a university in Europe, for several reasons.

That one was Lev. His flight would leave tomorrow morning.

After less than half an hour, we heard Lev's voice.

"Foooooooood's dooooone!" he yelled through the entire apartment.

"Comiiiiing!" Kuroo yelled back. He still was our captain and we all liked it the way it was. We joined Lev and Akaashi and started eating.

After finishing, everyone helped with washing the dishes and after that was done, we headed back to the living room.

"Oh oh, let's light up the candles on the cake and Yaku-san has to blow them out!" was Lev's suggestion.

"Sounds like a good ide-" Akaashi stopped his sentence in the middle as he saw the cake and that one missing piece. He instantly turned to Bokuto but I had promised to cover him.

"Sorry Akaashi, it was me, it looked so tasty, I couldn't help but take a piece." I hoped he wouldn't notice I was lying. Meanwhile, Bokuto tried to look as innocent as possible. It looked like Akaashi tried his hardest to remain calm in consideration of my birthday, so I guessed everything was okay and we started eating the cake, without candles.

We spent some hours chatting, talking to each other, playing games, watching TV and what else we could think of. And soon it was close to midnight. And time for them to head home again.

"Thanks for coming!" I said and closed the door. And when I turned back there was Lev standing in front of me, grinning with his wide smile he always had on his face.

"What?" I asked him.

"Nothing, we're finally alone, Yaku-san."

"And what of it?" I said as I walked passed him, heading to the couch to sit down and relax.

"Now I can finally give you your gift."

"My what?"

"Your gift Yaku-san. It's your birthday, I'm your boyfriend, and therefore I have a gift for you. Simple, right?"

"Lev you really didn't need to-" I couldn't end my sentence and he was already sitting next to me with a little wrapped box in his hands.

"For you, happy birthday Yaku-san." he looked at me with twinkling eyes.

"Well then, thank you very much Lev." I kissed him on his cheek. His eyes were still twinkling, his smile getting wider and wider, he was like a little child waiting for something great to happen. I continued unwrapping the little box and now I had a black little box in my hands.

"Open it!" he said.

I opened it.

Just a split second later, tears were flowing down my face and I had to hold back a sob. I couldn't believe what I was seeing in that box. But then Lev slowly took the ring out of the box, took my right hand and put the ring onto my ring finger. Now I was sobbing.

"With this ring, everyone will see that you already belong to someone, so that no one can do anything to you while I'm gone. Of course I have another one, would you mind putting it on my hand too, Yaku-san?" he looked into my eyes and I looked back, his green eyes were still twinkling; he looked very happy. Without being able to say anything and still crying, I put the ring on his hand.

"S… s-same back at… you… Lev." and then I couldn't help but hug him as tightly as I could.

"I love you, Yaku-san." He whispered silently. I started crying even more now.

"I love you too, Lev." And as I said it, I stopped hugging him and kissed him.

After some seconds of kissing he started talking again.

"We should go to bed, it's past midnight already and-"

"No. I don't wanna. I want to keep cuddling on the couch, I don't need sleep." I hugged him again.

"But…"

"No. I don't wanna go to bed, when I'll go to bed now and fall asleep and then wake up you'll be away soon. I don't want that." I said while clinging to him.

"As you wish, Yaku-san." he said as he kissed me again.

After some minutes of cuddling without exchanging any further words, we both fell asleep, his arms around of mine.

When I woke up Lev wasn't there. Was I dreaming? A feeling of anxiety suddenly overcame me.

"Lev?! Lev, where are you?!" I asked around.

"I'm heeeeere, good morning Yaku-san." I heard his voice from the kitchen. And I smelled eggs. Scrambled eggs. Breakfast was one of the few things he could cook. I felt reassured again. When I was looking at my hand, I remembered what happened last night. I was wearing a ring and Lev was wearing the same ring; I felt so incredibly happy.

After some minutes, he had finished cooking breakfast and we started eating. We talked about various things, trying not to remind ourselves that he had to leave in less than three hours. After finishing eating, I washed the dishes while Lev was sorting out some stuff; he had already brought his entire luggage to my apartment the day before. The airport wasn't that far away from where I lived, so it was more convenient. And I wanted to accompany him as long as I could.

After another hour, we finally left to go to the airport. I was already nervous; I didn't want him to go. When we had arrived at the airport and he had checked in, there was only an hour left until I had to part ways with him. We sat down at a café; we had to kill some time after all and we didn't know what else to do. And after half an hour it was time, he had to head to the gate.

And there we were, standing in front of the last passport control, in front of the point where I couldn't accompany him any longer.

"It is time, I… must go, Yaku-san." he said to me while holding my hands.

"Yes, seems like it." I was about to cry, but I held it back, I didn't want to make it harder than it already was. I smiled at him.

"I guess I should get going, if not I'll miss my flight, that wouldn't be very good, right? Yaku-san would scold me if I missed it, hehe." He was clearly trying to cheer me up with his always twinkling eyes.

"I would, you're right. So go! Don't dare miss it!"

"I won't." he said as he started hugging me out of nowhere.

"I… I wish you a safe trip Lev. And I h-hope you enjoy it." tears started forming in my eyes.

"I'll call you as soon as I'm there, okay?"

"O-okay…"

"Oh! Before I forget it…" he stopped hugging me and pulled something out of his bag. It was a scarf.

"For you, so that you have something to keep you warm in my absence, hehe." he said as he was wrapping it around my neck.

"But that's your scarf."

"I'll lend it to you, so give it back to me when I'm here again, okay?"

"I will, Lev." I smiled and sniffed at the scarf, it smelled like Lev.

"Take care of you. I'll be back soon, time flies by faster than you think."

"Mhm." I was busy with holding back my tears, I wasn't able to form any words.

"Bye-bye, Yaku-san." and after saying that he kissed me one last time. And then he started walking without turning back.

"Bye Lev!" I almost yelled at him when he was already far away. I could still see him, but he probably didn't hear me anymore. I guessed I was the only one of us that started crying now.

And there I was, standing alone, drying up my tears and noticing, that the gap in between of us kept growing and growing the further he walked away from me, until I couldn't see him anymore.


	2. Second Chapter – Change

The gap in between

Second Chapter – Change

The first thing I heard when I opened my eyes was my alarm clock's ringing. It was a penetrating sound, I didn't like to hear it. In fact, I hadn't heard it for a long time, because every morning, even before my alarm clock ringed, I would always get a "Good Morning" message from Lev. But on that morning I didn't receive one. Only less than a day had passed since his flight, but I already noticed a change in my daily life. I had gotten accustomed to waking up like that, I had to smile every time I read his messages. Even though most of the times it was the same basic message. He would write "Good morning Yaku-san" and add a kissing emoticon at the end of the message. Sometimes the message varied, though. But one thing was sure, it always made me happy.

I decided to stand up and turn off my alarm clock. Immediately after that I fell back on my bed. It was a Sunday, so I didn't have to get up early and do stuff. I wanted to stay in my bed for the next 20 years. I didn't feel like doing anything at all.

After lying there and staring at the ceiling for another 10 minutes I finally stood up again and walked into the kitchen, I was hungry. While I was standing in front of the fridge I noticed the second change: there was no breakfast ready. I had no motivation to cook something myself, so I quickly got changed and headed towards a near café to eat breakfast there.

It was a sunny and cloudless Sunday morning, my mood rose again, sunny weather always made me happy. It was weird being up and walking around that early on a Sunday morning, it was a new experience. There were already lots of people on the streets, mostly elder people though, I guessed they had more than enough free time, so why not walk around in town. But honestly, I didn't understand people that stood up early voluntarily. How could you manage that? I guessed their beds weren't the best ones, so I figured you'd want to get up from a bad bed. Luckily my bed was a good one, a very comfortable bed. And it was big enough for Lev too, so we could both sleep in it together and also… Let's not get there.

After some more minutes of walking around in town I found a decent looking café where I could eat breakfast and quickly entered it. As soon as I opened the door a bell resounded and a friendly voice said "Welcome!" to me while I closed the door behind me.

"How many seats?" the employee at the front desk asked me.

"Uhm, only for myself-" but before I could order a table for one person, a loud, very familiar voice interrupted me.

"Oooiiii, Mori-saaaaaan, over heeeeere, helloooo!" you could hear Bokuto yelling through the entire café. I shortly thought about leaving again but I came to the conclusion that having some company wouldn't be that bad.

"Uhm, I'll take a seat at their table if that's possible." I said while pointing at the still waving Bokuto. Next to him I saw Akaashi who had buried his face into one of his hands, a natural reaction to Bokuto's… behaviour. After the employee wrote down some things I headed towards Bokuto and Akaashi.

"Moooorning Mori-san, how you doing? What brings you hear this early in the morning?" he asked even before I could sit down.

"Good morning Bokuto, Akaashi. Well, to be honest, I just didn't feel like making breakfast and because there was no one to make me some I decided to head out. That's it." I explained to him.

"Ahhh, right, Lev left. Hehe, he lev-t. Get it?" he was waiting for a reaction. I had to laugh, even though it was way too bad. Akaashi didn't seem that amused.

"I apologize that you have to listen to Bokuto's bad puns this early in the morning, Yaku." he said to me.

"Ehhh, come on Akaashi, that one was good, he laughed, okay? That means he liked it."

"Bokuto, he was only being considerate, don't misinterpret it."

"It's okay, it really was amusing, thank you Bokuto." I finally said to stop their little argument. Right after that another employee final came to ask me if had decided on something to eat. I ordered pancakes and a hot chocolate.

"So, and why are you two already out so early in the morning?" I asked them after the employee walked away again.

"Trainiiiiiing!" Bokuto said while putting his hands up in the air. He sure was full of energy, even though it was a Sunday morning.

"Training? On a Sunday?" I asked curiously.

"Yes." Akaashi replied while grabbing Bokuto's arms and putting them down again.

"Bokuto decided that we should train as much as possible before the next tournaments start. And because there are lots of players that are buys during the week, he decided to make a little training session every Sunday. That's why we're here already."

"I see. So I guess you'll be leaving soon, huh? Don't feel like you need to stay here with me, I don't mind being alone, so feel free to go whenever you want, okay?" I didn't want to bother them.

"Nah, it's okay Mori-san, we still have time." Bokuto replied while leaning back on his chair.

After a while my pancakes and hot chocolate arrived. It looked delicious, I wanted to start eating right away. But as soon as I grabbed the maple syrup I wanted to drip on my pancakes, Bokuto's eyes began to twinkle. They twinkled like Lev's eyes always did when he either was looking forward to something or when he wanted something. I guessed Bokuto wanted to do something, so I asked him.

"Is something wrong, Bokuto?"

"Can I draw something with the maple syrup on your pancakes?" his eyes started twinkling more.

"Bokuto no." Akaashi said as fast as lightning.

"But."

"No."

Now Bokuto looked like a little puppy who had been abandoned in the heavy rain. I couldn't bear to see him that frustrated because of pancakes, so I smiled and handed him the bottle of maple syrup. His whole facial expression turned to the complete opposite, he was now overly happy. But before starting drawing he looked to Akaashi again, asking if it really was okay to draw on the pancakes. Akaashi seemed to have given up on convincing him otherwise and sighed, accompanied with another burial of his face in his hand. His sigh sounded like a "do whatever you want".

After some minutes of drawing, Bokuto closed the bottle again and put the plate in front of me.

"Tadaaaa!" he said proudly.

"Aawww, look at this. This is a cute… uhm… it's a… what is this, Bokuto?" I really tried to figure out what he had drawn, but I just couldn't identify it.

"It's an owl." he said, still proud of his masterfully made drawing.

"Ahh, it's… it's an owl, yes. Now that you mention it, it really does resemble one. If you… tilt your head a bit and… close one eye. And if you know it's an owl, then yes, it definitely does look like one." I tried my best not to show that it really did not look like an owl. And it worked apparently, his eyes started twinkling even more.

"Ha! And Akaashi always tells me I can't draw. Did you hear that, Akaashi? Maybe you just don't have the same artistic vibes as Mori-san and me. Maybe you just don't understand art." he said to Akaashi.

"Or maybe you just can't draw, Bokuto."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Exactly what it sounds like."

"Do you want to say that I can't draw?"

"That's actually what I already said, yes."

"What do you mean?! And now you're gonna tell me I can't play volleyball, right?"

"Bokuto, I never said anything about volleyball. You're exaggerating again."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"Bokuto, please calm down."

"I am completely calm, I don't understand what you're talking about."

"Bokuto, I really-" I had already started eating and was observing how those two began their argument. It was very interesting, it reminded me of the reality TV shows Lev and me always watched together in the morning. They were really entertaining and because nothing else would be on TV early in the morning, we always watched that while having breakfast. It was a change from my daily routine, but it changed into a better version of a reality TV show. It was live and unplugged, and the two protagonists were two good friends of mine. Lev would have loved to be here and observe them as well.

"I know I can't cook, I know you're better than me Akaashi, you don't have to tell me that again."

"Bokuto please, why are you talking about cooking now, I only said you can't draw. You're not making any sense at all."

"Do mean to say I am stupid? Is that what you wanted to say all the time?"

"No I did not want to say that, and now please calm down." I missed how they ended up arguing about that, but somewhere in between I ordered a second hot chocolate. I already finished eating, but it was too interesting to listen to them and I didn't want to interrupt them.

"Akaashi, enough of this. I'm leaving now for the training session. You can go on your own." Bokuto said as he stood up. He was sulking.

"Bokuto wait, I… Excuse us Yaku, we'll have to go now." Akaashi said to me after he stood up as well.

"Aww, you already have to go? But it was getting interesting just now and… uhm… I mean, right. Training. And stuff. Yeah, uhm, enjoy."

"Thank you, I wish you a pleasant Sunday." he said while bowing down to me.

And soon after he run after Bokuto, who was already in front of the café. They somehow looked like an old married couple. You know how they say a Buddha's patience is the greatest one? Buddha would go insane if he had to deal with Bokuto, you'd need Akaashi's patience to be able to endure Bokuto's… behaviour.

After a while I had finished my second cup of hot chocolate and paid the bill. It was time to do something productive.

When I left the café I thought about the things I normally did on a Sunday, until I remembered that I always spent my Sundays together with Lev. It struck me again like lightning that he wouldn't be there today, nor any other Sunday for the next few weeks, and even months. I started realizing how many things would change with him not being around. At first I had thought my daily life wouldn't change that much, but I was wrong, clearly wrong. Even if it were only the slightest changes, I'd notice them, if I liked that fact or not. I couldn't change that, I had to deal with it.

I decided to stroll around the park for a bit, maybe another idea would pop up in my head while being there. The park was already filled with lots of people, mostly little children and their mothers or elders that were enjoying the sun on a bench. I was looking for a free bench to sit on, but I didn't find any, so I just decided to sit on the border of the fountain and observe my surroundings. If Lev would've been with me he would be splashing water over me and then I'd get angry at him, would take my revenge and then apologize and he'd be all "It's okay, Yaku-san" and then he'd smile and his eyes would start twinkling.

I stopped thinking about what Lev would do, that didn't help at all and only made me feel lonelier than I already were. I really did miss him already, how was I supposed to survive all that time? And he hadn't even called me since he got there. Sitting all alone in the park didn't improve my mood, so I decided to stand up again and go elsewhere. But where?

After almost half an hour of walking around with a clear destination reached one of the local cinemas and because I literally had nothing better to do, I decided to enter it and see what movies would be shown. I don't remember which movie I had watched, I wasn't really focused on the movie. I guess I just went in there to kill some time. _You're pathetic_ I thought to myself, it hadn't been even one day and I didn't know what to do with my free time already. Luckily, the next day was a Monday, so I had to go to university and had something to do.

I wanted to head home after having 'watched' the movie, but then I remembered it would've been good to buy something for dinner, so I stopped a store and then headed home.

As soon as I arrived home I put away the things I bought, headed to the living room and fell onto the couch, my face landing on the scarf Lev gave me.

"It smells like Lev. Stupid Lev, leaving something here that reminds me of him." I said to myself. Then I looked at the ring at my finger, yet another thing that reminded me of him.

"Get a hold of yourself, Morisuke. You're an adult, don't act like a little child, you can endure it, and it's been only a day, for heaven's sake." I said as I threw a pillow through the room. And wanted to sleep, but I wasn't tired enough, so I just kept on lying there, when suddenly my phone ringed.

I jumped up from the couch as soon as I heard that ringtone, I knew that ringtone. Almost every contact that is saved on my phone had its own ringtone, and the one ringing right now, was one I heard a lot of times.

It was Lev's.


	3. Third Chapter - Loss

The gap in between

Third Chapter – Loss

My hands were shaking as I dialled Yaku-san's number into my phone, ready to finally call him. It had only been one day since I arrived here, but I wanted to talk to him already, I missed him.

It tooted. It tooted again. It tooted a third time. And after a fourth toot, I heard his voice.

"Hello?" Yaku-san said.

"H-hi, Yaku-san." I said into my phone.

"Lev! How are you doing over there? Everything's fine?"

"Y-yes! I guess so, hehe. I only just got here, so I'll have to get used to everything. It's all so different compared to Tokyo." I was happy to hear his voice.

"Yeah I can imagine, I mean. It's Europe! You're basically on the other side of the world. Kind of surreal that we can just talk to each other like this, right?"

"If you say so, Yaku-san. Phones have been in use for quite some years already. But anyway, and how are you?" I asked him. I wanted to know how he felt, I wanted to know if he missed me too, if he felt as lonely as I did. I had spent so much time of my life with Yaku-san, that only this short amount was already enough to make me feel lonely. How would I be able to survive the entire time when I missed him after only a day?

"I'm fine, everything's normal over here, I guess. Nothing's changed so far, don't worry. And damn I'll be busy the next few days, got this essay I have to write and I don't wannaaaa…" he didn't seem to behave other than normally.

"Hehe, but you know that it's important that you're serious with your studies, Yaku-san." I wanted to tease him.

"Hey, I don't need someone like you telling me that."

"I was kidding Yaku-san." I had to laugh, I liked it too much when my teasing worked.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." if I had seen him now, I bet he would've been pouting.

"Did you do anything special today, Yaku-san?"

"Nah, not really. I went out, didn't want to make breakfast, went to a café where I met Bokuto and Akaashi…"

"Oh really? Are they doing fine too?"

"Yeah, I guess. Can you believe it, they acted like an old married couple and started discussing in the café. I would've been so embarrassed if I were Akaashi. Only he can deal with Bokuto."

"Hehe, yes. I miss Bokuto-san already a bit." I finally said, I was curious about how he would react to that statement. Maybe he'd get jealous a bit because I said I missed Bokuto-san and not him? The thought of being unfair crossed my mind for a second, but in the end I didn't regret saying that, I wanted to find out after all.

"Well you do have his number too, you can call him anytime as well." was Yaku-san's plain answer. I had expected more. Was it really just me overthinking things? Was it only just me that already felt so lonely after a day? Maybe Yaku-san could handle the whole situation way better than I imagined. Maybe he could handle it better than me. Was I being too childish, too much of a worrywart?

"Hehe, yes, I guess you are right, Yaku-san." I said as I looked at my hand. My eyes were fixed on the ring I had bought for Yaku-san and me, I was still wearing it. In fact, I didn't intend on taking it off anytime soon, I wanted to wear it for as long as possible. I was wondering about if Yaku-san was wearing it too or if he had taken it off already. I wanted to know it, but I didn't ask him, I didn't want to be seen as some kind of stalker that has to know everything. If Yaku-san was happy then that was enough for me, so I tried to hold back and not tell him how I really felt about missing him.

"So, anything else? How's the apartment you're staying at? Did you already go to check out the university?" Yaku-san kept on asking questions. Mundane questions, I was hoping to talk about other things too.

"It's okay. It's not too big, so it's not that much to clean. I'll get used to it in no time. And it's very close to the university! Only ten minutes if I take a walk, even less if I go by bicycle. And yeah, I already went there, I had to inscribe and stuff. That was tiring."

"Cool cool. Must be nice to study abroad, I wish I could've tried too. But here I am."

"It is never too late, Yaku-san."

"Yeah sure, but nah." he sounded almost bored talking about this kind of stuff, I started feeling sad somehow.

"Oh yeah, say, Lev."

"Yes?"

"Is there a volleyball club or something so you won't stop training? If there is one, join! Don't slack off!"

"Ossu!" I couldn't help but laugh, Yaku-san was acting again like he normally did, he was acting like you'd expect it from him.

"Hey! Don't laugh! I'm being serious, as soon as you're back Kuroo will test you he said, so be prepared!" he had to giggle. I was happy again, happy to hear him giggle, happy to hear him being happy, that's when I most loved him.

"I promise, Yaku-san."

"Good!" after that there was a short time of silence, but I soon started talking again. I had to hang up, I had to meet up with some people who would talk with me about the university and other things.

"So, uhm… Yaku-san? I need to get going, gonna meet up with some people. They'll explain some university stuff to me, so…" it was hard to say it, but I had to go.

"Oh, uhm… okay. Then we'll talk again another time, okay?" he seemed to be okay despite the fact we only talked for that tiny amount of time.

"Okay. Then, uhm… I'll call you again, okay, Yaku-san?"

"Sure."

"Okay. Bye then, Yaku-san."

"Bye bye Lev."

"I love-" but before I could finish it Yaku-san already hung up, I guess he thought the call was over as soon as he said goodbye. I was sad, I wanted to tell him.

"I'll just tell him next time." I said to myself as I stood up to get ready.

* * *

"Stupid! Stupid! You're an idiot Morisuke! A big stupid idiot!" I yelled at myself, burying my face into a pillow and slowly noticing how tears were forming in my eyes. Did I really say everything I said in those past few minutes? I didn't know why I reacted like that, but I was lying to myself and I felt so pathetic.

I was nervous when I noticed it was Lev's ringtone, but I had never imagined to act _that_ stupid. Before I answered the call I had told myself to keep cool, no matter what he would talk about. I didn't want him to find out about my miserable existence without him, I didn't want to cause him worries or troubles, I wanted him to believe I was happy that he was studying abroad, even if I knew I wasn't happy about it.

"Why did you have to mention the thing with Bokuto and Akaashi? Why couldn't you just invent something else? You're an idiot Morisuke!" I continued talking to myself, tears already flowing down my face. My heart pained when I heard that Lev missed Bokuto. Why didn't he say that he missed me? Was I really the only one of us that couldn't live on his own anymore? Was I the only one of us two that wasn't happy about this spatial gap? Was I simply overreacting? All those questions were swirling in my head when I heard him say the thing about Bokuto, but then I started lying to myself. I told myself to not ask him if he missed me too. He shouldn't worry about that kind of things, he had to worry about his studies there. So I didn't ask him, I just swallowed my pain and continued my acting. And now I hated myself for it.

As I dried some of my tears with my hand I remembered the ring on my finger, I hadn't taken it off since Lev had put it on.

"Lev, why did you leave me?" I said in a sobbing voice. He probably had taken it off already, why would he be wearing a ring like that all the time? But I couldn't, I didn't want to. I felt as if the ring was one of the only things Lev had left here. And if I were to take off the ring he would slowly disappear from my current life, and I was scared of that. I didn't want that to happen. His study abroad was already a loss I had to deal with.

I turned around on my bed, facing the ceiling now. I had moved from the couch to my bed while talking to Lev. And even though it was that little time, I was happy he had called. But because I didn't want to end up talking about how much I miss him I started talking about mundane things. I didn't know why but I had carried on with simple small talk. I didn't really want to know about his apartment or the university he was going to study in, I wanted to talk about him, about his feelings, but I had no courage to do so, that's why I didn't.

"And the volleyball club… Are you serious, Morisuke? For crying out loud!" I put my hand on my eyes, I just wanted to lie in bed and cry until morning. Why did I mess up? Why did I lie? Why did I behave so pathetic? And couldn't I talk about how I felt with him? You should think that if you're in a relationship you could talk about everything, but I just didn't bring up the courage to tell him how I truly felt. The most important thing for me was to see him happy, to know that he'd be happy, even if it meant to be sad myself.

Putting his happiness above my own; love is a cruel monster, yet we wish for it so dearly that it ends up hurting us.

Before I could continue thinking about that sort of things I decided to get up from my bed and eat dinner. After that I didn't know what to do so I just headed to bed. But before I lied down, I opened my wardrobe and looked for something. I was pretty sure that he had left it here once and never brought it back home. And after some moments of looking through the chaos in my wardrobe I found it. It was a sweater Lev forgot here once, he had told me to keep it, he didn't ever tell me a reason though. Now that I had found it, I put it on. It was, of course, way too big for my stature, I never intended to wear it anyway, but it was perfect to sleep in it, it was fluffy and reminded me of him. After I put it on I closed the wardrobe again and lied down on my bed, I wanted to sleep.

"Goodnight… Lev." I whispered to myself, knowing there wouldn't be anyone to answer me.


End file.
